If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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