We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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