i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
