You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
be right there i have to get my cape
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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