I can text with my tongue
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
