that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
