Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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