john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
