this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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