So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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