just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
