How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i used baking grease as lip gloss
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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