I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
