i would punch a child for taco bell
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dick very happy bro
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
