You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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