I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
