I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
