can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
