I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
