So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
