Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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