If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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