Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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