just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
