Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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