I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
smell my finger.
you didnt know i had herpes?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
