when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
