dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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