I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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