Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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