I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
