It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
