OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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