if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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