I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
