You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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