dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
