The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
