Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
