Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
