i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
