took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
