Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
