If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
