In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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