I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
