the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
