Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
