I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
