And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
