Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
